OMG- mine is so friggin long!!! no obligation to read all this :)
CHG
Hello All you ex & fading jdubs- I have been reading everyone's posts here and I am so thankful for this site, all of your comments have been very helpful during this difficult time- THANK YOU :)
I thought I was the first person to ever think of the concept of fading away, lol, now I read many of your stories so much like mine I realize how naive I was.
I was raised in the borg by my mother, everyone I ever knew or had a relationship with my whole life was a jdub. I was married to a MS for seven years until he decided to leave one day, he ran away- never to be heard from again (thats one way to fade). I had to get a divorce because I could no longer pay for our house, our cars, or the credit card debts we had together & I had to declare bankrupsy to get out from underneath it all. But with the divorce I was still not free to remarry under jdub laws (he did not reveal any adultery). I thought, ok-I can live the rest of my life in this system of things alone, I am only in my mid twenties & armageddon will be here soon. Ha (cynical laugh)
Five years later I woke up, woke up to a life where I felt empty inside- I prayed everyday to die, I was alone, had no friends (I was not good association because I divorced my husband), I could not pioneer or have any special priveleges like in the RBC (I was not good association because I divorced my husband), I had no education to get a better job to improve my situation (I couldn't go to college, that would not make me good association)- I was stuck!
So I frequented the local coffee shop everyday (I am addicted to caffene, I guess that makes me bad association) & I started talking to a local guy there. We sat on the couch there almost everyday and talked about every subject under the sun, IT WAS SO NICE!! Someone actually wanted to talk to me and didn't judge me or was afraid I was going to seduce them because I was a single sister who could not remarry. That continued for months, then jdub pioneers started catching me there with him. Then things spiralled out of control, I was dragged into meetings, I was confronted by family members hysterical, judging me. Nothing romantic ever happened with me and my new friend (we were just good association for each other). One cousin yelled at me and said that all I want is sex, I had enough!
Six months ago I stopped going to meetings, I told my family that I did not want to be a witness anymore, enrolled in University (going to be a social worker), and I started dating the owner of the coffee shop I frequented every day (known as Coffee Shop Guy on this site) & I just moved in with him. Now jdubs are starting to see me with Coffee Shop Guy in public and the poop is hitting the fan all over again. I hate feeling like "I got caught".
The rest of my family shuns me, except my mother. I have told her nothing about Coffee Shop Guy, she thinks I quit being a jdub to go to college. My father is not a jdub and he allows me to come to the house so my mom cannot stop his wishes (he is the head of the household). Should I tell her? I desperatly want to keep a relationship with her, if the borg pushes for me to be DF'd I don't know what she will do- she is very devout. I hate living a lie too- I feel like I am lying every week when I go there to do things for her around the house (they are older and infirmed).
What do you all think? Should I tell her I have found the love of my life and I cannot go back to the borg? He is also 22 years older than me, that's rubbing salt on the wound- aaaarg, what do I do?
